Inlaws

Getting married has a lot of implications. Apart from the fact that you are going to support one other person lifelong, you also need to realize that you will have to cop a lot of issues which the in-laws (s) bring. In my case the problem was pentupled (don’t know how to say “five times”) because I had five brothers in law. Yea. You read it right. Five. The problem started when met her for the first time. It was November of 2005 and I had travelled to Chennai to see her. After getting lost five or six times, my cab finally arrived at her place when I was greeted by two of the five. It was not intimidating outside the house, but when I went in, the hall was full of people, rather there were these five of them but coupled with a small hall it looked like I was entering a theater releasing a Rajnikanth movie and it was first day first show. By now you would have understood the scenario in the hall. The more I think of that set up, the more I believe (after four years of marriage) that I said yes to the marriage probably because I was worried about my safety.
After marriage, things get even worse if you have so many in laws. First of all the question of them coming to Hyderabad from Chennai to help the bride and the groom to settle. The more I think of it, the more I wonder whether it was any help at all. First of all I had to book tickets to a total of nine people. My father, mother and there ends my family. Now coming to the extended family – Her mother, father, one of the brothers, one of the brothers’ father in law and mother in law. So including Priya and me it was nine people who boarded the train (by the way I booked tickets for all). I don’t understand how so many people make two of us comfortable. The problem didn’t end there. I had to look for three autos the next day to take these people to safety. The issue was that I was the only one who knew where my house was. I had to literally coordinate with the two remaining autowallahs to make sure that we go in tandem (and you know how the autowallahs in Hyderabad drive). Predictably I reached home first. I looked for the remaining two autos. They were not there. None of the others had a cell phone for me to coordinate. It took them an hour more to reach my place (I had given the autowallahs some direction on how motinagar looks). But for that one hour, I was walking up and down the moti nagar roads and checked each and every auto which passed by to make sure that not anyone with close resemblance to my family members was there. Looking at this, some people on the road even came to me and said “bhai saab, aap police hai kya”. Some autowallahs even tried to bribe me. By the end of it all I was so jaded that I was about to call all my friends who were still bachelors and tell them about the perils of marriage. I don’t want to go into details about how the next four days went. It was about the same problem day in and day out.

April 2010
Even after four years of marriage, the problem with the in laws still remained at large. One day, my wife said that one of her sisters in law will visit our place. You know how men react. When these conversations start, you know that you are in big trouble since the way you react will make your wife know how you feel about them. I tried to keep a straight face and said “oh is it. How nice”. The next day she said, “you know what, my mother and the eldest brother are coming too”. Again the same reaction from me. The next day, one more person was added to the list. I don’t even remember who that is. The D day arrived when they were supposed to come. By that time, I had lost count of how many people were in that visitor’s list. So the day before their arrival I asked her “how many people are coming”, She said that three ladies are coming. I said okay. I will see if I can pick them up. The next day, I had to get up at 4.30 AM to receive them at the station. I woke up, and saw my wife sleeping. I said, “Priya do you want to come, I want company”. She readily agreed. We went there and when the train came, and I saw them, my jaw dropped. There were four adults (including three ladies), three kids and five baggages. How an earth they will all fit into my i10 is anybody’s guess. I went inside my car and sat in the driver’s seat (without uttering a word. That is important because you don’t want to jeopardize your chances of getting a hold of your meals). They opened the boot and tried to fit in as much as they could. They had one bag and two people left outside the car at the end of this ordeal. I looked at my wife and asked her “how many people you said were coming”, she said “three ladies and my brother”. I don’t know where the kids will fit in her category (ladies?). I replied, “if you knew very well that these many people are coming and you know our car’s capacity, why did you agree to come with me in the first place?” There was no reply. I couldn’t do much either, I asked her to come in an auto and tried to bring the remaining people home. The arrangement was that all the ladies sat at the back, with my kid and I had three kids to manage in the front seat. How I drove that day is another blog worth of story. Long story short, I literally had no control over the gear box. If i10 people come to know of this, they might probably reward me for the adventures I performed with the vehicle.
Oh no. Time is up, I need to be going back home. Yes the in laws are still there and I need to take them out tomorrow. Till the next batch of inlaws visit my place - adios.

This was a story i wrote for a competition.

“Just beat them to death”. As Aashish spoke these words, a chilling fear went through my spine. I never contemplated killing anyone, not even in my dreams. I know that it’s beyond me. I have had no experience in doing this. What if the authorities found out that it was me who killed them all? But, I realize now that I have to do it. There is no other go. Every day, rather every night for the past three months has been a nightmare. As these thoughts flashed through my mind, the thoughts went back to the events in the last three months. Working late has never been a problem for me. But in the past three months, working late and going back has been a constant struggle as these five gangsters (as I would like to call them) prey on me day in and day out. When I told this problem to my supervisor, he had a hearty laugh and said “the city has changed a lot. You have to adjust to the changing times. You can’t go home early just because you have this issue. Everybody faces this problem. Even Aashish faced this kind of situation sometime back. Ask him what he did to overcome that. Just work around as you know we will have a lot of conference calls late in the night”. “Sir” I said, “The other day when I entered the street at 2 AM, they were waiting to pounce on me. It is as if they know when I will come. I can’t take this anymore. If you can’t guarantee the safety of an employee, then I don’t see any point in working late. I am not able to concentrate after nine since I know that these predators will be there waiting for me”. Aashish gave me a piece of wisdom, “you know what, initially I was also struggling to come to terms with these, but as time went along, I understood that it’s fear on the person’s eye that they feed on. So try to stay calm and bully them back or better still, try to befriend them”. I said “What are you talking about? I can’t be friends with these thugs. Never. The other day I tried to shout at them but they came back with a vengeance.” I was on the verge of crying. That’s when Aashish suggested that I kill them. I decided to use pepper spray to unsettle them and then attack. I know that it needed a lot of courage but I have to do it. Somebody has to stand up and let it be me. I will show the world that I am not a coward. May be my son will take some inspiration from me if I am able to do it. It was 2 AM, and time to go home. I packed my laptop and started going home. My home is 3 KMs away from the office, and there is a dark corner near my apartment where these predators usually wait. I could sense my heart racing. From a distance, I could see my apartment and the dark corner as well. I was sweating profusely as I neared that corner, waiting for them to pounce on me. To my surprise I found no one. That’s when the watchman of my apartment came running towards me and said, “Aarthi Madam, the authorities took note of our situation. They sent a dog catching van today and caught the dogs that usually loiter here. So don’t worry, you can go home peacefully now”.